I am always so thrilled to get an e-mail that has a beautiful cherubic face of a newborn from a Mama on Bedrest. You mamas (and dads) rock! But with all that you have gone through with your pregnancy, labor and delivery, have you ever considered taking a little post partum vacation? They are called “BabyMoons”. But we all know that such a “pre-baby” vacation is impossible for Mamas on Bedrest. So I called representative for the California Association of Boutique Bed and Breakfast Inns and asked, “Well, do you offer similiar packages for new mamas and dads which will accommodate newborns? The answer, a resounding YES!
Now to be fair, the term “BabyMoon” actually refers to a vacation an expecting couple takes before the birth of their wee one. Coined by the California Association of Boutique Bed and Breakfast Inns, BabyMoons are designed to provide (one last) escape for expecting couples before the baby arrives. The destinations offer couples’ massages by prenatal-certified massage therapists (for mamas) and an array of “babymoon” package indulgences.
Mamas, these places are spectacular!!! Dotted along the California coast, they span from Sonoma all the way down to San Diego! The inns are the height of luxury and just what weary “Former” Mamas on Bedrest and The Dads who love them need after months on bed rest. Imagine beautiful accommodations overlooking the ocean. Firepits to sit by and watch the sunset. Massages by certified perinatal massage therapists to soothe and smoothe all those aches and pains from the weeks on bed rest. Sumptuous meals and a calming atmosphere are just what Mamas and Dads need-in addition to relaxing time to bond with their little one.
Participating properties are listed below with links to the sites with descriptions and pricing. I truly hope that some of you have the opportunity to relax in such luxury after all you have done to birth your little ones!
Timber Cove Inn (Baby Moon Retreat is the Second Special listed)
Mount View Hotel & Spa (Oh Baby! BabyMoon for 2 is the last special listed)
Old Monterey Inn (BabyMoon Getaway is fourth special down)
Does this type of post partum vacation appeal to you? share your thoughts in the comments section below. I wanted to know more about these getaways, so I have put in a request for an interview. We’ll podcast as soon as there is a response and acceptance!
Father’s Day is upon us! Have you spoken with your partner about his feelings on being present at the birth of his child? On becoming a dad? I ask this question in light of this post on one of my birth providers chat lists: (Paraphrasing to protect privacy!)
Have any of you ever had this happen: You connected wonderfully with the momma and the energy between you two was phenomenal, yet you weren’t able to click with their partner? I feel a very awkward energy with the dad, even though the momma said that he is pretty much on board with my presence and role in the birth and is glad I’ll be there. He doesn’t attend prenatal visits and hasn’t really seemed interested in the pregnancy or my services. I’m not sure if he is avoiding me or if there is something deeper. Thoughts?
Ladies, there are a few things to consider here.
First, let’s face it. Even those of us facing our first pregnancy, completely in the dark about what is going to happen, we are lightyears ahead of our male partners (unless they are obstetricians!)! We are “accustomed” to “the weirdness of womanhood” and all that entails (i.e. menstrual cycles, feminine products, bras, make up, concealers, body shapers, hair extensions, etc…) So yeah, a high risk pregnancy with bed rest is just one more adjustment we’ll make. We will do like we always do-make the necessary shifts and accommodations and make it happen! Men don’t accommodate as easily or as readily to change as we do. So we have to be patient as they “catch up” to us.
Second, the idea of actually being present during childbirth totally skeeves some men out! Oh yeah, they are all about “gettin’ with us in the moment” but getting down and dirty with something (actually someone) coming out of their “pleasure palace” really messes with some men’s minds. In hindsight, I really pushed for my then husband to be present at my daughter’s birth. And when she came out not breathing and then I hemorrhage, it nearly took him out! I should have listened when he told me he wasn’t up for being in the delivery room and chosen another, more capable childbirth support and advocate. Ladies, some men are not up for childbirth. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love us or support us, they just can’t be present at such a raw, visceral event. We must hear them and respect their limitations. (FYI I had my sister come in with me when I had my son. Much better experience!!!)
So Mamas, Find out where your man is on the spectrum. Is he all in, ready to be of utmost assistance? Is he totally freaked out and secretely signing up to become a merchant marine? Or is he somewhere in between and really just needs to process all that is happening and about to happen to someone he loves dearly, and is petrified that he has caused to have to go through unspeakable pain?
Ladies, do we ever really ask our guys what they think about what we are going through? In our book, From Mamas to Mamas: The Essential Guide to Surviving Bedrest, One dad shared poignantly about his experience when his wife went on hospital bed rest saying, “It felt like she had died and suddenly I had all this responsibility heaped on me.” It is so easy to get caught up in what we are going through; after all, we are the ones who are growing and changing and we are the ones who are enduring the brunt of this experience. But you and your partner are a team and he is going through this experience, too. And many men don’t say anything because they feel like they have no right to “complain” given all that we are going through. I want to reiterate, you and your partner are a team! This pregnancy isn’t just happening to you, but also your partner and any children you already have. Everyone’s thoughts and feelings need to be considered and attended to so that everyone’s needs are met and the wee one you are carrying will come into a cohesive, loving family.
Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there! We love you and thank you for your love and support! We’d love to hear from you. Share your experience regarding your wife’s pregnancy and bed rest, labor and deliver (if applicable) in our comments section below.
Get your copy of From Mamas to Mamas: The Essential Guide to Surviving Bedrest Today!
It’s Video Wednesday April 23, 2014. Today’s topic-SEX!!! The topic was raised by a mama in our community and it’s a topic we’ve not discussed much, so I decided to address it here.
The reality is that many women aren’t interested in sex post partum. The research estimates that as many as 80% of women experience a change in their sex drives (usually a drop) immediately following the birth of a baby. When you stop to think about it, it makes a lot of sense. Women have been pregnant, and have experienced extreme physical as well as emotional and hormonal changes. In our case, mamas have been on bed rest and been inactive. If a woman had a vaginal delivery, there was a lot of force against the perineum and possibly a tear or episiotomy with stitches so she may still be sore. If mama had a c-section her belly may be sore from that. Then she is breastfeeding, she’s tired, she’s adjusting….There are just so many issues that it’s hard for many women to even think about sex.
In this video, I offer some things to think about to “get the sexual wheels turning” and so sex will actually take place. While sex may not be on the top of a new mama’s priority list, it is very important for the couple to reconnect. So I hope this video is helpful. If it is, say so in the comments section below. If you have information to share, please do!