Mamas on Bedrest: Bittersweet Remembrance

November 1st, 2013

It’s been 9 years since I lost my 3rd pregnancy. I had considered not posting today, feeling a bit melancholy, morose.

“Mamas don’t want to hear that,” I said to myself. 

I’m the moderator of Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond. I’m here to be a source of comfort, of inspiration. I’m supposed to lift these ladies up! The last thing that mamas need to hear/see when they come here is a story of loss. Or is it….?

I LOVE writing these blogs. I LOVE learning about and presenting to all of you the various products, services and information that comes across my computer desk. I LOVE interacting with all of you -hearing your stories and most especially getting to see the photos of your beautiful babies! I started this website and this business with the specific intention of making high risk pregnancies and bed rest easier for those coming behind me. I didn’t want another woman to feel the sadness, loneliness and isolation that I felt as I struggled to bear my children. I didn’t want another woman to feel the fear and feeling of aloneness that I felt while I was hemorrhaging with my daughter and watching to see if my OB would be able to “make me okay.” And I wanted to provide a listening and understanding ear (?eye) for those women with the “unspeakable” thoughts and fears-the ones that those who have not walked our path feel uneasy hearing, and quickly try to “poo poo” away with,

“God has a plan” and “Don’t worry, it will all work out alright”.

I’m sorry folks, when I am in the midst of the storm, those words are as soothing as dumping a bucket of water over my already drenched head! While I do believe in God and there being a Divine plan to this crazy thing called life, sometimes life is just hard and when you are going through, you really don’t care about God or the Divine plan! It is in those moments that my mother’s admonisments to me as a child ring so very true,

“If you’ve nothing good to say, say nothing.”

Silence really can be golden.

Within our midst we have mamas that have lost perhaps one or many pregnancies. We have mamas that have had to utilize in vitro fertilization or other technologies to become pregnant. We have mnamas who had or currently have wee ones whose lives are hanging in the balance. We have it all and I am proud to say that mamas at any and all stages are welcome! Please don’t “pretty up” your stories or your feelings. If you are sad, you are perfectly welcome to share those feelings in their real, raw form. If you have suffered loss, please let us, let me, know so that we can come along beside you and share your sorrow. For some, this may be too much intimacy, too much transparency. Letting others see you at your most vulnerable may be something you are just not ready to do. That’s fine. But do know that if you do need to share, you are welcome to do so.

I’m going to sign off now and do a little something special to acknowledge my wee one. It’s All Saints Day and while I do believe the spirit of my wee one has long crossed over, I am going to spend a bit of time giving thanks to and for those that have been a part of my life but are now gone.

 

 

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