Mamas on Bedrest: When a Mama Loses a Child

January 20th, 2014

Grieving mother and grandmotherMy friend’s daughter died yesterday. I have a very heavy heart today as a result.

I hesitated to write this blog as I didn’t want to be a “downer”. But loss is a part of life. I experienced the loss of 2 pregnancies and was devastated. And while I will in no way attempt to compare the loss of my 2 pregnancies with my friend’s loss of her 20 something daughter, I feel a pain in my heart for her as a mama.

The loss of a child is unfathomable, yet each year thousands of mamas endure this heartbreak. We, the friends of my friend, are doing what we can to surround her with love without being smothering. Right now there is a lot of family around and arrangements are being made. So we have made the decision to be present, but for now, to step back and to allow my friend and her family to do what they need to do. Then, in the coming  weeks when all of the “formalities” are complete, be present as much as she’ll allow.

One of the things that was critical for me when I was moving through my miscarriags was to have people to turn to and to lean on much later in the grieving process. People are wonderful intially. But I found that months later I was still sad and many people didn’t get that. I am so grateful for the friends who, even 9 months later, were willing to sit with me and allow me to cry over my loss. My friend is going to need a lot of support in the coming months, far more than I needed and perhaps even professional help to navigate this process. It will likely take my friend years to come to terms with the loss of her daughter – if she ever really does. My aunt says that she still feels sadness over the loss of my cousin and he passed away at 43  years old in 2001.

So what does this have to do with Mamas on Bedrest?

Our commmunity has been very VERY fortunate in that we have not experienced many losses. To date, I know of only one mama whose bed rest experience did not result in a live birth (if there are others, please let us know how we can support you.). We support eachother, offer tips and to date, it seems to have had a positive impact. Granted, we are a relatively small community, but I do believe that our community has played a role in mamas being able to survive the rigors of bed rest and to endure the unending days of boredom and monotony.

I have written about pregnancy loss and the loss of a child before. For those of you mamas who have lost a pregnancy or a young child (infant) I want to call your attention to some grief resources found in a previous blog. They are wonderful and while not for every one, perhaps you’ll find something of benefit. Lastly, I’d like to invite you to join our community. We are a wonderful group of women and the love, support and wisdom never ceases to amaze me. Feel free to post comments here on the blog or send private messages to info@mamasonbedrest.com.

Please keep my friend and her family in your prayers.  Thanks so much.

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