Mamas on Bedrest: Your Twin Babies Will Always Remain Close

April 6th, 2015

Good Morning Mamas!

Twin FetusesLast week I had the great privilege to speak at the Austin Mothers of Multiples Meeting. Mothers of Multiples Meetings can be found nationwide throughout the United States and these non-profit organizations-comprised of mothers of multiples-provide support to families who have twins, triplets or higher order multiple births. At this particular meeting, in addition to me sharing about bedrest and how mothers of multiples are supported while on bed rest, there was a twin panel; a panel of adult twins who shared their twin experiences and shared what parents of twins could expect as their children grew up. The panelist shared everything from how they liked or disliked being dressed alike to how they have an inexplicable bond with one another.

I found the panel fascinating.  There was one set of male/female twins, one set of female twins, one set of male twins and a male identical twin who had a rare form of cancer that caused him to lose several of his limbs. His identical twin brother was not affected by the same disease. These twins generously shared what it’s like to be a twin and some things that parents of twins can look forward to (and not worry about) as their twins grow up.

Twins always share an unspoken (and inexplicable) bond. All the twin sets shared that they are connected to their twin in a way that they are connected to no one else on the planet. Each grouping said that they often know what the other is thinking, can sense when the other is upset or not feeling well (even if they are far apart as the sole identical twin said. His twin is back “home” in Australia!) and that they always feel best understood by their twin.

Built in Playmate/Confidant. The twins said that one of the best things about being a twin was that when they were little, they always had someone to play with. As adults, they always have someone with whom they can share their secrets or concerns that truly understands them.

Twins don’t always like the same things, but often do. Interestingly, the male/female twins were both dental students at the University of Texas and were currently sharing an apartment. They said that when they were younger, they had different interests in school and were not at all competitive about grades or friends. The male twins were both undergraduate students at the University of Texas and while not living together or studying the same major, they were in a couple of classes together and did live close enough that they were in a study group together. The female twins said they were very competitive all the way through high school and purposely chose to go to different undergraduate schools. The interesting thing about them is that once they got out of undergraduate school, one twin got married and had children here in Austin. When her twin later moved to Austin and then got married, they had 3 children born within days of each other. The twin who married first actually has 5 children and her first and last children she had solo while her 3 middle children are each born within days of a cousin-one of the other twin’s children!

Twins don’t always like being dressed alike. The panel was pretty unanimous in that they didn’t like being dressed alike-even if it was with the same outfit in a different color. The male twins shared how they would use being dressed alike to pull pranks on people-even their mama! The girl twins shared how as they moved through middle and high school they changed their hair and sought out other ways to distinguish themselves. They all, while realizing their similarities, sought to be individuals and preferred to be treated that way.

Most twins felt their parents loved them and treated them equally. With the exception of the male/female twin set, the twins felt that their parents treated them equally and as individuals, not favoring one or the other of them. With the male/female set, they admitted that he felt closer to his father and she to her mother, but they both felt that each parent loved them both and they both have great relationships with both parents.

Dating wasn’t an issue. The twins all said that dating wasn’t an issue and there was not an incident of both of them liking the same person. As the female twin set noted, and the other twins agreed, they tended to date (and in the case of the female twins marry) people who had the complimentary attributes of their twin.

Twin parents shouldn’t worry about…”emotional damage” they may cause from getting their twins confused. The parents seemed overly concerned that their twins may feel slighted but the twins on the panel assured them that they never felt slighted or that they weren’t individuals. They said it comes with the territory that they will be confused with their twin (even by their parents), even if they are not identical.

 

Are you expecting twins or higher order multiples? Has this panel review been helpful? Please share your comments or concerns below.

Do you have twins, triplets or higher order multiples? What has your experience been like? What is it like raising twins? Please share your experience with other mamas in the comments section below.

Are you a twin? Do you agree or disagree with what the twin panel had to say? Please add your voice to the discussion below.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *