pregnancy

Mamas on Bedrest: Why I’m so thankful I had my 2 high risk pregnancies

November 24th, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving Mamas!

Thanksgiving is upon us and Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa are not far behind!

I know that many of you will spend these holidays on bed rest and that is a bummer to say the least. I wasn’t on bed rest during the holidays with either of my pregnancies, but was on restricted activity with my son so I do have a bit of an idea of what you are going through.

For me, the more major complications came when I was delivering, especially with my daughter. For those of you who know my story, you know that I bled heavily after I delivered my daughter. (They didn’t write hemorrhage in my chart as technically I didn’t bleed enough to have hemorrhaged. Go figure!) After my daughter was delivered via emergency c-section at 36 weeks and 6 days, she was whisked away to the nursery because she was having trouble breathing and had fluid on her lungs. Meanwhile my uterus was atonic. It wasn’t contracting and was sluggish and spewing blood like a punctured water balloon. Once my daughter was delivered, all hell broke loose in the delivery suite! Staff members started walking briskly hither and yon and there was a steady clang as new instruments were dumped onto the operating tray from their sterile packages. The former chatter that had been going on as my daughter was being delivered ceased. The room became eerily silent and from over the blue veil, I could see the very intent and focused eyes of my doctor as she contemplated what she needed to do and gave orders.

For a while, things didn’t go very well. Every time she tried to stitch up my uterus, blood shot upward like Old Faithful Geyser. As I laid there, I thought, “I can’t believe that after all I went through to have this baby, I may not make it to raise her.”  I had had surgery to remove uterine fibroids prior to becoming pregnant with my daughter because I had had a miscarriage and they thought that the fibroids were the cause. I had taken progesterone prior to that surgery and had blown up like a ballon. But the surgery went well and I was pregnant 3 weeks later.  However, by 6 weeks of pregnancy, I was sick as a dog and could not hold down a thing so I stopped eating. As time went on, I was able to eat about 10 things; applesauce, ginger ale, hot dogs, oatmeal, apples…but as late as 32 weeks, I had only gained 10 lbs. I felt sick the entire 9 months and didn’t get relief until the day after my daughter was born.

The intense nausea wasn’t the only problem. At about 14 weeks, I began spotting. Panic set in as I feared the worse-I was losing another baby. My OB did a thorough check and we never did find out why I was spotting, but it eventually stopped. At about 20 weeks, I started having cramping. I told my OB who said they were Braxton Hicks. This being my first pregnancy, I trusted what she said and kept going. But she did begin to mention bed rest and I knew that this wasn’t a good sign. I talked this over with my then husband who was traveling internationally for work. I also alerted my mother and mother in law to see if they could fly in to help me out. But at subsequent office visits my daugther was quiet so we held off on bed rest (Despite the fact that she seemed to be always looking for the exit!!) I was forbidden from traveling outside of Austin at 28 weeks and just kind of laid around after that. I went into active labor at 36 week 6 days and my daugther was coming fast so I was admitted and she was delivered.

Things went much better for my daughter and I once she was on the outside. I got pregnant 2 years later and lost that pregnancy at 9 weeks. Devastation. I really wanted another baby, but I was 39 and both my OB and husband were thinking I had better quit while I was ahead! After grieving the loss of this pregnancy for 9 months, I made a pact with my husband that whatever was in progress when I turned 4o we’d go with it. And if I was pregnant and lost that child, We’d stop. Well, my son was born healthy and hefty at 7lbs 2 oz at 39 weeks via c-section. I was 40 years and 4 months old when I gave birth to him! While his pregnancy and delivery were much less complicated, I most certainly did not bounce back after having him. In fact, I still felt pretty crappy 3 years after I had him! After checking blood work, physical exams and saliva tests, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism-finally. Once my thyroid hormone was replaced, I felt much better. I never really returned to my pre-pregnancy state and have been since diagnosed with perimenopause. I have since settled into this “new normal”.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because these pregnancies changed me. They changed my outlook on life as a clinician and as a woman. I was a physician assistant prior to getting married and having babies and my entire demeanor had been detatched and matter of fact. It’s how I had been trained. “Don’t get too emotionally attached to your patients,” I was told by attending physician after attending physician at Duke University Medical Center where I did my PA training. Oh how this changed as I lay on the table, watching my own blood spew upwards! I had been trained to use words and phrases like, “You’ll experience some discomfort after the c-section.” Discomfort my a–! I was in major pain! And as for “being a bit emotional” from the hormones-I was a raging BITCH! I vaccerated between fear and panic and intense melancholy. Looking back, I probably had antepartum depression with my daughter and I definitely had post partum depression after I miscarried between pregnancies. Neither was diagnosed and quite frankly, no one ever asked me how I was doing emotionally. Looking back I am amazed that I came through those years as “sane” as I am (sic). But after each pregnancy, I vowed that no other woman would have to go through what I was going through-and at the very least, she wouldn’t have to do it alone as I did.

I am thankful for my pregnancy experiences. I don’t know if I would have been as thankful a mom if I had breezed through pregnancy. I was on a mission to “get it done”, and pregnancy and childbearing are so much more that checking something off a “to do” list. Arrogantly, I had seen women labor and struggle through pregnancy and often thought, “Geez, she’s making such a big deal out of something so natural!” Oh Yeah, the arrogance of ignorance!!! It’s so easy to be caviler when you’re not the one on the table doing the work! And it’s because I did lay on the table and truly believed that I would die without holding my daughter that I feel so deeply for you all. They tell us not to feel in our medical training, but I just can’t imagine how clinicians are expected to care otherwise? You have to feel to care.

This Thanksgiving, you may not feel so thankful for being on bed rest and that’s okay. But one day down the road, you’ll be able to look back and see the blessing in this time. For me, it’s Mamas on Bedrest & Beyond. I never would have started this service had I not so wanted it for myself when I was “going through”. I am so thankful for all of you mamas who stop by and allow me the great honor of being a little bitty part of your lives in one of the most important times in your lives. I stand with you and I stand for you and I am here because I was once where you are now. Happy Thanksgiving and may you all be richly blessed!

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Mamas on Bedrest: Texas earned a “C”. What’s your state’s premature birth grade?

November 18th, 2014

World Prematurity DayHello Mamas,

November 17th is World Prematurity Awareness Day. All over the globe there will be educational events, initiatives, presentations and activities all designed to raise awareness about the very serious problem of prematurity. Premature birth is the leading cause of neonatal death in infants under one year old and each year, 15 million babies die as a result of being born too soon-and are too young and too sick to survive.

Now we are all likely sitting here and thinking, that’s a shame. Those poor babies in developing countries have such a tough road to hoe. Well fasten your seat belts! Despite spending more than most other countries on the planet for health care, The United States has one of the worst rate of premature births of the developed nations. Each year nearly 500,000 infants are born too soon in the US-that’s 1 out of 9 infants!! These numbers are sobering. What’s more, where you are born has a lot to do with your chances of being born prematurely.

Taking a look at the US as a whole, there has been a reduction in the overall rates of preterm labor and premature births. As of this month, the March of Dimes reports rates of premature births (2013 data) has fallen for the 7th straight year to 11.4% and as such, the nation has reached its goal (9.6%) set for Healthy People 2020 7 years early. But when we look at individual states, there is a much different picture. While some states are doing well reducing the number of premature infants born, others are not faring so well. Texas, where I live, currently has a grade of “C”, while my home state of Massachusetts is graded a “B” and only Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Oregon and California earned “A” Grades. Sadly, Mississippi, Louisiana, Alabama and Puerto Rico earned “F’s”.

The March of Dimes is working aggressively with state, national and international health representatives to determine what factors are the major reasons babies are born prematurely, and what interventions can be put in place to ameliorate them so that babies won’t be born too soon. The solutions are really pretty simple. It’s not more technology. It’s not more complicated political laws. It’s education. Women need to know that as soon as they become pregnant, they must begin prenatal care. It’s access. Women globally need access to comprehensive, affordable prenatal care. In developing nations as well as in many areas of the United States, women don’t have easy access to health care services. If the nearest health care center is 3 hours away by car and they don’t have a care and no access to any sort of public transportation, they won’t get regular prenatal care! It’s resources. In many rural or economically depressed areas, women simply don’t have the money for food, shelter and prenatal care.  Health care resources may be limited. Access to the midwifery model of care; Attendant care with midwives and doulas which have been shown to reduce the rates of complications and poor birth outcomes, makes these women vulnerable to poor birth outcomes. Breastfeeding Education. Many women still are uneducated about the benefits of breastfeeding, don’t receive breastfeeding education/suppport and don’t have access to pumps.

So how does your state rate? What’s its grade? How is your prenatal care? Let us know in the comments section below. If you need assistance or information, feel free to include that in your comment or write privately to info@mamasobedrest.com

Mamas on Bedrest: : How to Cope When Life Throws Unexpected Curves?

August 11th, 2014

Hello Mamas!

How do you cope when life throws you unexpected curves? This summer had one giant unexpected curve and I have been chasing my tail ever since! I had planned to drive to Boston from Austin with my kids, stopping to visit and stay with friends and family along the way. I had planned for a fun-filled month in Boston before leisurely driving to North Carolina for my family reunion and then dropping my kids off with their father for their summer visit. But just 2 days after I arrived in Boston, I received a call that my mother in law passed away. We rushed back to my mother in laws funeral, driving a frantic 981 miles in 2 days. I spent a weekend with my ex-inlaws (need I say more) and from that point on, my leisurely schedule was completely blown out of the water. And while I did accomplish most of what I had planned to do this summer, I feel completed wiped out and in need of  a “vacation from my vacation.”

I thought of you all often. Bedrest is a similar curve thrown into the middle of your pregnancy, obliterating all your pregnancy plans. So how do you cope when life throws  you such an unexpected curve?

I found for myself, focusing on the essentials was key. This  is a similar sentiment shared by not only many of the Mamas on Bedrest in our book, “From Mamas to Mamas: The Essential Guide to Surviving Bedrest”, but it was also echoed by the dads. As one dad put it,

“I had to focus on what was really important and then let everything else go.”

He is so right! This summer, after my plans and timing went askew, I had to focus on doing what needed to be done. For me, that meant keeping things steady and fun for my kids (this was the first death of a close relative that they had ever experienced) and keeping my own spirits up and taking really good care of myself so that I can take care of those around me. But what are the essential things Mamas on Bedrest need to focus on during this time of upheavel?

1. Take exquisite care of yourself!  Most Mamas on Bedrest want to focus on their babies, but Mamas,  the best thing you can do for your baby is to be in the best possible health yourself. Be very vigilant with your diet feeding your body nutrient dense foods such as fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains, leans cuts of protein and lots of water. The more nutrients your body has to work with the more it will be able to be in service to you and your baby! Nature has designed it that your baby will get what it needs from your body to grow and develop. Let’s be sure that your body has enough nutrient supply so that the baby can have what he/she needs without depleting your body and leaving you at risk for illness, injury or disease. Also get plenty of good restorative sleep and check in with your doctor to see  what are safe ways to move your body while on bed rest.

2. Make sure the essential needs of your family are met. If you have other children at home, you and your partner will need to make sure that their routines remain as regular as possible, and that they have plenty of love and support from both of you as well as from friends and family. The honest truth is that you and your partner will be stressed and stretched during this time. If friends and family are available to help out, take them up on their offers for childcare and household help. These “gifts” are invaluable.

3. Make sure you and your partner stay connected. This is a frantic time for Dads. They have to stand by while the women they love do some serious work to bring their babies into this world. For men to not be able to “fix it” can be truly frustrating as well as humbling. Also, Dads are feeling the stress of the pregnancy as much as moms-albeit in a very different way. Make sure to stay connected during this time. Take time to be together, to talk, share and yes, cuddle. Sex is usually prohibited during bedrest, but hugging, kissing and cuddling are not and those intimacies can make a world of difference for Mamas, Dads and babies!!!

4. Release Obligation. Bedrest has a hidden blessing: You are no longer held to the myriad of obligations you are committed to. To that end, take a bit of time while on bed rest to really ask yourself, “Do I really need to do all those work and community activities? Which ones really fill you and which ones are “Shoulds”? Which activities should you not only suspend due to bed rest, but indefinitely? Take this time to sort these out.

5. Stay positive an have fun. Bedrest is hard and most women will tell you that the mental/emotional battles were the worst! If you can stay positive and focus on the joy of your baby, you will do well navigating Bedrest. It’s not easy. Difficult tests and complications will sometimes bring you down. But if you can surround yourself with friends, family and things you love, you will make it though.

 

Have these tips helped you? Find these and more in our book, “From Mamas to Mamas, The Essential Guide to Surviving Bedrest” available for immediate download now on Amazon.com

Have a particular question you’d like to ask and have answered?  Join us for our Free Third Thursday Teleseminar on August 21, 2014 from Noon – 1pm ET. Bedrest Coach Darline Turner will be ansering questions live from callers as well as answering questions submitted via e-mail. Register for the Free seminar to receive call in information. If you prefer to submit your question anonymously, send an e-mail to Info@mamasonbedrest.com by 5pm ET on Wednesday, August 20,2014.

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